Relative Happiness Read online

  They walked in silence to Dominion Beach. When they reached the sand, Lexie stopped and looked around while Adrian continued down to the shoreline. She saw him pick up a flat rock and fling it sideways into the waves. It skipped twice before it disappeared. He didn’t throw any more.

  She took a deep breath of clean, fishy air. She could taste the salt on her tongue. The beach was covered with reddish brown seaweed, thanks to the churning ocean. It was mucky to walk through and her boots sank into the sand as she squelched her way over to Adrian. She stood beside him as he looked out over the water.

  “For some reason the ocean always looks more menacing in the winter, more powerful,” she mused. “Like it’s going to jump right out of the depths and swallow you whole.”

  He nodded.

  “I’m afraid of tidal waves. Which is kind of strange, since I love living beside the ocean. Sort of Freudian.”

  He nodded again.

  She was getting nowhere fast. She cleared her throat.

  “Do you like the ocean? You seem to spend a lot of time here.”

  “I do.”

  She pointed out over the water. “It’s hard to imagine England is on the other side of this great divide.”

  “I’d visit relatives in Cape Town and walk on the beaches there. It feels funny to be here, on the other side of the Atlantic.”

  “Imagine that. Maybe you looked over the ocean towards us, and I looked over the water towards you. Maybe the breeze that crossed your beach was the same one I felt at sunrise.” She smiled. “How wonderful to imagine it. We think the world is big, but it’s not. Not really.”

  Adrian looked at the sand. “The world isn’t big enough. It’s difficult to hide in.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I mean no matter how big the physical world is, your life is still lived inside your head. You take it everywhere. You can never get away.”

  “What do you want to get away from, Adrian?”

  He turned away and said something, but she couldn’t hear him.

  “Sorry?”

  He faced her and shook his head. “Don’t listen to me.”

  He walked away then and she wondered if she should follow. She got the feeling she was interfering somehow, but she started after him. Struggling to catch up, she shouted behind his back. “What’s it like? Africa, I mean?”

  Adrian stopped and looked at the sky. Wispy clouds rushed past them, as they headed out beyond the coast.

  “The light’s different. The sky goes on forever.”

  “Do you miss it?”

  He turned around and grabbed her arm. “Let’s go home.”

  Lexie carried a laundry basket down the back steps and into the yard behind the house. She crunched through the snow to get to the clothesline. As she picked up her clean sheets she realized she’d forgotten her gloves. Darn. She couldn’t be bothered going back for them so she shook her sheets out and hung them up anyway.

  Beth always told her she was nuts for hanging out sheets in the middle of winter, but she liked the crisp air to blow through them. The clean smell was wonderful and Lexie considered it a luxury that was free for the taking. It seemed such a shame to ignore nature’s small gift.

  Before too long, her fingertips were red with cold. She cupped her hands together and blew before she put them under her armpits and jumped around. That’s when she noticed Adrian, framed in the kitchen window like a painting. She gave him a wave.

  He couldn’t have seen her. In spite of the cold, she bent down and made a snowball, intending to throw it at the pane of glass but when her eyes travelled back to him, the snowball fell from her fingers.

  His face was ravished.

  She knew in her heart that this was the real Adrian.

  The very next day, after work, Lexie shouted up the stairs. “Ade, do you have anything you want washed?”

  “Yeah, just a minute.” He appeared at the top of the stairs with an armful of stuff.

  “Here, catch.” A whole cascade of dark clothes landed on her head.

  “You big jerk. Just for that, you can wash and dry the dishes tonight.”

  “Oh, no!” He clutched his heart with his fist and staggered back to his room.

  She started to sort the wash, going through the pockets of his jeans. There was a small piece of paper, folded in quarters. It was soft, old, worn around the edges. She was about to put it on the counter when she was interrupted.

  “WAIT!” Adrian commanded from upstairs. It startled her. She heard him rush down the stairs before he burst into the kitchen. “I left something in my—” He saw her holding it in her hand.

  “I didn’t open it.”

  He reached over and took it from her. “That’s okay. Thanks.”

  He kind of backed out of the room.

  Lexie met Susan at the coffee shop on her lunch hour two days later. The minute Susie sat down, Lexie told her what happened.

  “You’re kidding?” Susie’s mouth was full of ham and Swiss cheese. It was right up her alley, an intrigue she could sink her teeth into. She swallowed, and wiped her mouth on her napkin. “Maybe he’s an international spy or something?”

  “Oh, good God, what in heaven’s name would he be doing in Glace Bay, if he’s an international spy?”

  Susie took a gulp of her coffee. “I don’t know. Isn’t one place as good as another for spying? Is there a directory somewhere that says this city is good for spying and this city isn’t?”

  “Now you are being stupid. Istanbul and Marrakech and Casablanca are places for spying. They’re exotic. No one rushes around and says Bond, I need you to go to Glace Bay.”

  Susan made a face and took another huge bite. “You don’t know that. Maybe we’re the hub of foreign intrigue for the fine people of Marrakech. Are you going to eat that donut?”

  That night Lexie got a call from her sister Gabby. It was a relief. First, because it wasn’t her mother and second, because Adrian wasn’t home. She knew it was Gabby because she heard her inhale her cigarette first. That girl could inhale a smoke right down to her toes. An ex-boyfriend told Lexie that wasn’t all she could do really well.

  “Hey Gab.”

  “Hey yourself. Did Mom get in touch with you?

  “Are you kidding? The day Mom doesn’t call me is the day I know she’s dead.”

  “Poor Lex,” she cooed. “Let me guess. Another diet she wants to shove down your throat or the continuous whine about your single status?”

  “Gabby, as you know full well, there are no other topics in the world except my biological clock, Beth’s beautiful children, your pending nuptials to an investment banker and Kate’s doctorate.” She ran out of breath.

  “Tell her to take a hike, that’s what I’d do.”

  “You get away with stuff like that. She’s afraid of you.”

  “Pooh.”

  “It’s true. You look fabulous. You dress like a model. Guys drip all over you. I know for a fact she’s jealous. Isn’t everyone?”

  She inhaled again. “You think so?”

  “I know so.”

  “How do you know?” There was something in Gabby’s voice that told her this notion had never occurred to her sister. But Lexie knew. She also knew her mother would never look at her with green eyes. Ever.

  “Trust me darling. You have power over her. Something I’ll never possess, unless I make a voodoo doll in art class.”

  “Oh Lex, I love you. I wish I was like you.”

  “You want to weigh 165 pounds, have frizzy hair and a dead-end job in the same town where you grew up?”

  “You know, I could smack you. Why do you put yourself down like that? Is that all you think you are?”

  “Well, what else is there?”

  “For one thing, people like being around you. You’re funny and smart and loyal.”

  “So what.”

  “You are an ass, do you know that? I’m trying to tell you being beautiful isn’t everything.”

  Lexie la
ughed. Was she serious? “Only someone beautiful can say something so stupid.”

  Gabby hung up on her.

  Damn. Now she felt bad.

  It was one of their typical nights in. Adrian was by the fire. Lexie took a bath earlier in the evening and her hair was in a knot on the top of her head, an old frayed bathrobe wrapped around her. She stood at the sink and washed the dishes. She hollered over her shoulder. “What kind of dessert should I make for the dinner party?”

  Adrian entered the kitchen, grabbed a dishtowel and stood beside her to dry the dishes.

  “How about triple fudge chocolate cheese cake?”

  Lexie huffed. “Do you want me thrown out on my considerable ass?”

  “I refuse to answer that ridiculous question. Now tell me. Is there a dress code for this family affair? I don’t have anything to wear. I couldn’t fit my tux in the carry-all.”

  “Wear that blue shirt of yours, and those dark pants. I’ll iron them. You look great no matter what you wear so I wouldn’t worry about it.”

  She scrubbed the roasting pan with considerable force. “I, on the other hand, will look like something Bastard Jack dragged in.”

  “Who on earth is Bastard Jack?”

  “It’s a long story.”

  “So tell me anyway.”

  “Bastard Jack belongs to an old bag…”

  Adrian’s furrowed his brow. “An old bag?”

  She shrugged. “That’s what she calls herself. I deliver meals to her. Bastard Jack is her rheumy-eyed, arthritic, deaf, flea-bitten Chihuahua. I have to have tea with him whenever I go over. He drinks right out of the cup on the kitchen table. It’s disgusting, so I don’t want to talk about it.”

  Adrian laughed. “Okay, okay.” He dried a few dishes. Then crossed his arms and leaned against the counter. “Am I allowed to say something?”

  “It’s a free country.”

  “If that little mutt did happen to drag you home, I’d say he has very good taste.”

  “Oh yes, I’m sure,” she grumped. “I wear hand me downs from the nearly new store while my sisters look like they stepped out of a band box.”

  She continued to scour the roaster. Adrian threw the dishtowel on the counter. He grabbed her shoulders and turned her around to face him.

  “You my dear, are the sweetest girl I’ve ever met. Don’t change a thing.” He put his hands on either side of her face and kissed her forehead softly.

  “Don’t ever forget that.”

  He looked at her and then took her breath away.

  He bent his head and kissed her, gently at first, slowly, and then longer and deeper. He pulled her in, trying to get closer. She reached to put her arms around him, when he suddenly stopped. He moaned a little and hugged her tight.

  “Oh, God. I’m so sorry Lexie. Forgive me, I don’t want to hurt you.”

  “You’re not hurting me, Adrian. Don’t ever think that.”

  “I’m so sorry.” He let her go and left the room. She stood by the sink and stared after him.

  He smelled so good. He tasted so good. What was wrong? He looked almost distraught. She didn’t dare ask him, because she was afraid he’d leave. Maybe if she just pretended nothing happened, he would stay.

  There were times she thought Adrian really liked her. Whenever they walked together, he’d often link his arm through hers and keep her close.

  “Are you cold?”

  Once she said yes, when she wasn’t. He put his arm around her shoulders. She’d have happily stayed like that for the rest of her life.

  Another time she made an apple pie. He gave her a big hug, saying he loved apple pie. He held her so long she became uncomfortable and made an excuse to walk away. She was afraid she’d jump on him the way Donalda did.

  She’d dream of him. Once she thought she heard him cry in the middle of the night. She wondered if he had a nightmare.

  Then one night he did.

  He screamed and screamed and by the time she got to him, he was sitting up in bed and obviously didn’t know where he was. His undershirt was soaked with sweat.

  She hurried over to him. “It’s all right, Adrian,” she whispered. “It’s only a dream.”

  “Sorry.”

  “Don’t be silly.”

  “Don’t leave me, Lexie. Please.” He held out his hand and she took it. He wouldn’t let it go so she sat on the side of his bed. He finally laid his head on the pillow and closed his eyes. He looked like he wanted to cry.

  She began to hum and finally he slept. She brushed his damp hair away from his forehead. “What’s wrong Adrian? Why won’t you tell me?” She lifted his hand to her cheek and pressed it against her.

  “It’s okay, Adrian. I’m right here.”

  Chapter Three

  Lexie’s mother had gone all out for the dinner party. The dining room table was a thing of beauty. But then, so was everything in her home. She enjoyed entertaining and did it with style. Some of her acquaintances called her Queenie behind her back, and she knew it, but the joke was on them, as they were the ones who begged for an invitation or were first to arrive at Cynthia’s famous brunches and summer teas.

  Lexie walked into the kitchen with her meringue and fresh strawberries. “Is this guy royalty?”

  “He’s Gabby’s Prince Charming.”

  Lexie made a face.

  Cynthia spooned chow and pickles into a crystal dish. “Where’s your young man?”

  “Mother, he’s not my young man. He’s not young, he’s not mine and—”

  “Well, I hope he’s a man.”

  “Actually he’s not. His nickname is Fruit Loops.”

  “Really?”

  “Mom, why do you think the only guy who’d live with me would be a flaming fruit? Not that I mind fruit. I love fruit. You made sure of that.”

  “Dearest, why do you make me out to be the bad guy? I suggested no such thing. You could get a man to live with you. But you have to make the effort.” Cynthia screwed the lids back on the jars and since Lexie insisted on standing like a statue in front of it, pushed past her daughter to get to the fridge.

  “Why don’t you ask your sister for fashion advice? I’m sure she’d get you an appointment with her hairdresser.”

  Lexie crossed her arms. “Which sister are we talking about, Mom? The pretty, the prettier or the prettiest?”

  “Don’t start Lexie.”

  Adrian poked his head in the kitchen door. “Are we having fun yet?”

  Mother and daughter gave him a look. He wilted right before their eyes.

  After that first awkward moment, Lexie introduced Adrian to her mom, who was as pleasant as could be once she’d gathered her wits. But at the first opportunity, he escaped into the living room. Lexie didn’t blame him. The people were easier to deal with in there. Beth’s little girls sat on the rug and worked on their puzzle, and he sat on the floor with them. They stared at him with big eyes.

  “I’m Adrian. And you are?”

  “I’m Michaela,” said Beth’s oldest. She pointed to her sisters. “Brit, Halley and Maddie.”

  Lexie watched Adrian’s reaction. He didn’t turn a hair. He was more polite than she was. Every time she went to the hospital to be introduced to another niece, she’d pray Beth had come to her senses and given them names that weren’t trendy.

  Adrian asked to be introduced to the dolls nearby and the girls all babbled at the same time. She knew he’d be occupied for awhile, so she went to her father’s study. She knocked first.

  “Come.”

  She found her dad at his desk. He’d dozed off with his glasses rested on his forehead. He was the kind of person you’d want in an emergency. His hair was a white shade of grey.

  “Hi Daddy.”

  “Hi Princess.” This pet name was a source of irritation to Beth, whom he called Baby.

  She sat in the chair opposite him. “Whatcha doin’?”

  “Keeping out of your mother’s way.”

  Lexie smiled. “That�
�s all you ever do.”

  “That’s why I’ve lived to this ripe old age.”

  They sat in silence. She and her father had always been able to do that—enjoy each other and not say a word. She often found refuge in his study when she was growing up. They’d sit and roll their eyes while they listened to the mayhem unfold in the rest of the house. Lexie’s mother and sisters were loud. Never once did it occur to them to walk into a room and ask a question. It was hollered down a stairwell or from the front door.

  On occasion Lexie would hide in her father’s study. A few times she crawled under his desk and sat by his feet. When her mom came looking for her, dad would say he hadn’t seen her. Eventually, they did it a few too many times and Lexie remembered being dragged out from under the desk, her mother clearly annoyed with their ruse.

  “I’m surprised at you, William.”

  Lexie hoped her dad would say something, but he just sheepishly waved her goodbye. Now that she was grown up she knew why. It was too exhausting to argue with her.

  “Dad, have you met Gabby’s new guy yet?”

  He linked his fingers together across his chest. “Hundreds of times.”

  “What do you mean? He’s only been in town about twice.”

  Dad swivelled. She loved that chair. “Lexie, your sister’s brought home the same type of male since she was fourteen years old. I know all about him.”

  “Why do you think she does that?”

  “Because she can.”

  It was true. Gabby wooed men by looking at them. It was a talent Lexie wished she possessed. Gabby seemed bored by it but Lexie found it fascinating.

  She twirled her hair, an unconscious gesture she did to soothe herself. “I wish I was like her.”

  Her father leaned forward. “You know Lexie, some men only see the package. And some women only have the package to give. Don’t change a single hair on that wonderful head of yours. I’d never forgive you.”

  Her dad. The world’s sweetest guy. Adrian was next.

  Lexie heard shouts of hello from the front door. Dad said, “More company.”