Relative Happiness Read online

  LESLEY CREWE

  Relative Happiness

  Copyright © 2005, 2008 Lesley Crewe

  All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means without the prior written permission from the publisher, or, in the case of photocopying or other reprographic copying, permission from Access Copyright, 1 Yonge Street, Suite 1900, Toronto, Ontario M5E 1E5.

  Vagrant Press is an imprint of

  Nimbus Publishing Limited

  PO Box 9166

  Halifax, NS B3K 5M8

  (902) 455-4286

  Printed and bound in Canada

  Design: Margaret Issenman, MGDC

  Author photo: John Ratchford

  Library and Archives Canada Cataloguing in Publication

  Crewe, Lesley, 1955-

  Relative happiness / Lesley Crewe.

  ISBN 978-1-55109-696-4

  EPUB ISBN 978-1-55109-835-7

  I. Title.

  PS8605.R48R44 2008 C813’.6 C2008-904540-8

  We acknowledge the financial support of the Government of Canada through the Book Publishing Industry Development Program (BPIDP) and the Canada Council, and of the Province of Nova Scotia through the Department of Tourism, Culture and Heritage for our publishing activities.

  For Joshua

  In this world of my own making, you will forever live.

  Contents

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chapter Eighteen

  Chapter Nineteen

  Chapter Twenty

  Chapter Twenty-one

  Chapter Twenty-two

  Chapter Twenty-three

  Chapter One

  “I’ve never loved you. Not for a single second, you horrible man.”

  Lexie threw herself across the room and fumbled with the doorknob in her haste to escape. She couldn’t get the door open.

  “Let me out. Let me out!” She rattled it again and again but the door wouldn’t budge.

  Her husband stormed over and grabbed her arm. “You’re a liar!” Then he looked away and muttered, “Will you knock it off with the door knob, already? It’s the only one we have.”

  Lexie rattled some more. “Take your hands off me!” She whispered, “Actually, we have two knobs—because you’re here.”

  He shouted, “You’ll always love me!”

  “I hate you.” Lexie pulled her arm out of his grasp and turned to the front of the stage. “I hate this guy.”

  “Okay, stop. Stop. Jesus, Lexie. Those aren’t the lines.”

  Lexie jerked her thumb at her fellow thespian. “No, I mean, I really hate this guy.”

  The husband sneered. “And you’re such a prize.”

  “God, Todd. I have to rattle the doorknob. I’m supposed to be in a frenzy. It’s called acting.”

  “You couldn’t act your way out of a paper bag. A very large paper bag.”

  The director threw his hands on his head. “Lord, why me? Okay, everyone. Take a break.”

  “Moron,” Lexie grumbled as she huffed off the stage. Todd gave her the finger. She hurried down the side steps and stomped up the aisle of the theatre until she saw Susan, who sat in one of the top rows chowing down on a bag of Cheetos.

  “Wow, you were really convincing,” she said with her mouth full. “I could feel your hate from here.”

  Lexie plunked into the seat beside her. She reached into Susan’s bag and grabbed a handful of orange junk.

  “Why do I come here, year after year? I need this like a hole in the head.” She stuffed her face and sighed at the same time, which caused her to choke.

  Susan passed her a bottle of root beer. Lexie chugged it down and passed the empty bottle back.

  “Thanks. Now I have none.”

  “Quit bitching.”

  “And ruin the only entertainment I have? Not on your life.”

  They smiled at each other. Because it was true. Lexie and Susan were two frumpy old maids. If they didn’t have each other, they’d be total losers.

  Susie licked her fingers. “So. What’s on the agenda for this weekend? Shall we colour our grey or lose fifty pounds?”

  “I say we shag the first guy we see,” Lexie proposed. “And Todd doesn’t count. Actually, what am I saying? No one in this stupid theatre qualifies. No one in this whole stupid town does either.”

  Susan tried to get a drop of root beer to drip on her tongue. It didn’t work, so she stuck her tongue in the bottle. Lexie made a face.

  “You’ll get your tongue stuck if you keep that up.

  Susan suddenly froze, the bottle hanging from her mouth. Her eyes bugged out of her head. She whacked Lexie on the shoulder about five times.

  “God, Susan. Can you breathe? Are you dying?”

  Susan continued to whack and waggle the bottle back and forth. Lexie started to panic. “It’s alright, just let me grab it.” She took the end of the bottle and yanked for all she was worth. A huge pop caused everyone in the place to swing around and gawk.

  “Are you okay?”

  “No.”

  “What’s wrong, for heaven’s sake?”

  “Holy shit, look behind you,” Susan hissed out of the side of her mouth. “Am I dreaming?”

  Lexie swivelled in her seat and saw a young man standing at the top of the aisle. He wore a pair of old jeans, a sweater that was too big for him with holes in the sleeves, and a long scarf wrapped around his neck about four times. He had on a pair of knitted gloves with the finger tips cut off, and carried an old army knapsack that had seen a lot of action.

  It seemed impossible, but it was as if he’d been plucked from the streets of Paris and dropped out of the sky into the middle of this dreary, dirty coal town. Nothing this exciting had happened in years.

  He smiled at them and Lexie had a hard time catching her breath. As she drank him in, it registered that he was tall and lean, with a mass of shoulder-length brown hair falling in his eyes. His teeth were a beautiful white and his eyes were very blue. It looked as if he hadn’t shaved in a couple of days. He wasn’t classically handsome—his face was too angular for that—but Lexie knew she’d never forget him for as long as she lived.

  “Anyone looking for an off-Broadway actor?”

  Lexie stood, or at least tried to. Susan was directly behind her, holding the hem of Lexie’s blouse in a tight grip. “Oh my God…what are you doing?”

  Lexie had no idea, but she kept moving until Susan let go. She stretched out her hand and said, “Hi. I’m Lexie.”

  “Hello Lexie.” He took her hand and gave it a warm shake. “What a beautiful name.”

  If she didn’t love him before, she sure as shootin’ loved him now.

  Lexie Ivy hated her name. Who wouldn’t? Just try and get your fingers wrapped around an ‘x,’ a ‘v’ and a ‘y’ when you’re five and learning the alphabet. Her younger sisters, Beth, Gabby and Kate, had an easier time of it. Of course they had an easier time of everything, being gorgeous and slim, slim, slim while she was fat, fat, fat. Why she even talked to her sisters was a mystery. The three of them personified perfection. Growing up, Lexie fantasized about locking her sisters in a tower, but even in her own daydreams princes pushed past her. They were the fair maidens, after all.

  Unfort
unately, not much had changed over the years. Lexie’s mother still made it quite clear that at the ripe old age of thirty, her oldest daughter was still a work in progress.

  All of this ran through her head as she stared at this man. He said something because his lips moved.

  “Excuse me?”

  He laughed. “I said, I’m Adrian Davenport.”

  “That’s wonderful.”

  He laughed again. “Is it?”

  Get a grip, Lex. You’re acting like an idiot. She finally let go of his hand and was instantly left out in the cold.

  “Somehow I can’t quite believe you’re a Broadway actor. Don’t you know you’re in the middle of nowhere? You must be lost.”

  He hesitated for only half a second, but it was long enough for her to know. He was lost. His eyes betrayed him.

  He threw his hands in the air and shrugged his shoulders. “I knew I should have turned left at the border.”

  They grinned at each other.

  “Well, since you’re here, why don’t I ask you a few questions. I happen to be the producer of this particular play, and the starring lead.” She leaned closer to him. “There are so few of us, we all have to take turns. I’m the stagehand next time round. Or is it director? I forget.”

  He gave her a little bow. “I’m at your service.”

  Holy moley, I sure hope so. What should she do now? She had a brainstorm. “Why don’t I take you across the street to Tim Horton’s and we’ll get a coffee. My treat.”

  “That would be lovely.”

  This couldn’t be happening. She turned around and screamed back to earth. Susan sat there with her mouth agape, as if her jaw was unhinged.

  “Oh, gee. Adrian, this is my friend, Susie.”

  “How do you do?” He reached out and held his hand in the air.

  Susie was frozen. And she stayed frozen.

  Adrian dropped his arm.

  “Susie!”

  “Wha…?”

  “This is Adrian.”

  “Yea…”

  “We’re going for a cup of coffee.”

  “Wha…?”

  “Good grief, woman. I’m taking Adrian for a cup of coffee. Tell Todd the nob I’ll be back in half an hour.”

  She didn’t wait for Susie to reply because there was no point. Her eyes were still glazed over.

  Lexie ushered Adrian out of the theatre, but not before she saw Susan suddenly spring to life and hightail it down to the stage, her hands flapping. No doubt her gums were flapping too, but Lexie would worry about that later. She picked up her coat at the door. It was a huge woven shawl she had made herself. She felt good in it because it covered a multitude of sins.

  Adrian walked beside her and that’s when she knew she was in a dream. Stuff like this didn’t happen to her. Where, oh where, were her sisters at this particular moment? She was dying for someone to notice her as she walked down the sidewalk with the most gorgeously romantic man she’d ever laid eyes on.

  It was too windy to talk, so they smiled at each other and she gestured to the door of the coffee shop. He opened it for her. The warmth inside was a pleasant change from the blustery cold gusts they’d walked against.

  The pimply teenager behind the counter looked like she’d swallowed her gum. Lexie preened, as if she were responsible.

  “I’ll have a large coffee. Black.” She needed to shed a few pounds. She looked at Adrian. “What can I get you?”

  “You will get me nothing. I insist on paying. I’ll have a large double double,” he announced proudly. “Can I talk you into one too, Lexie?”

  “Oh, go on then.”

  “Make that two,” he smiled at the love-struck high schooler. He turned to Lexie. “Ever since I arrived in Canada, I’ve wanted to say that. ‘Double double.’”

  “Well, if you insist on being a Canadian, you better get us two maple donuts, too.”

  “Sounds great.”

  Lexie wandered over to the far corner by the window and found a table. She sat and watched as he charmed everyone behind the counter. She had only one thought in her head. She knew it was ridiculous, even for her, but she wanted to take care of him. She made up her mind he could join the theatre company.

  He returned with their coffee and donuts on a tray. He placed her order in front of her. “Thank you,” she said. “I knew by your accent you weren’t from this country, but I can’t quite place it.”

  “No one can.” He shrugged off his knapsack and took his seat. “It’s a combination of seventeen different lingoes. Dad’s a diplomat. My mother eventually went mad packing our belongings for the twenty-fifth time. Poor Mum.”

  “Wow. I can tell right off the bat your life story will be a hundred times more fascinating than mine. Where were you born?”

  “South Africa. Johannesburg, to be specific.”

  “You’re kidding!”

  “Everyone has to be born somewhere,” he smiled, “and from what I’ve seen of this glorious island, I’d give my eye teeth to have been born here.”

  “You’ve been over the Trail, then?”

  “Mmm.” He held up his fingers and started to count. “I’ve been to Mabou, Meat Cove, Bay St. Lawrence, Chéticamp, and Ingonish, just to name a few stops.”

  “Did you drive?”

  “Lord no, I don’t know how to drive. I biked. North Mountain proved a little challenging.”

  “You biked up North Mountain? Are you insane?”

  He took a sip of his coffee. “Actually I biked down. It took me thirty seconds. I attained a mach speed of two hundred miles an hour, involuntarily of course. I eventually closed my eyes since I figured I was dead anyway.”

  Lexie laughed and couldn’t stop. The image of him hanging on for dear life to a rickety bike was more than she could stand.

  Adrian grinned at her.

  Lexie took a sip of her coffee before she nodded, “Yes, you are definitely round the twist. It’s November, for heaven’s sake, which means it’s freezing outside, or haven’t you noticed? How can you bike in this weather?”

  “I must confess, I get where I’m going rather quickly. No dilly-dallying for me.”

  “I shouldn’t wonder. They said on the radio this morning that we may have flurries tonight.”

  “I’ll face that when I come to it.”

  “Obviously you live by the seat of your pants,” she smirked.

  Adrian took a bite of his doughnut before he answered her. “You’re quite right. Trouble is, after biking for months on end, I have no seat on any of my pants anymore. It can be a tad embarrassing.”

  “You’ll be run out of town before nightfall.”

  “It’s a risk I’ll have to take.”

  They finished their coffee and Lexie decided it was time to introduce him to the others. She couldn’t wait, because she was certain none of them had ever met a character like Adrian, a man who could waltz into a theatre and ask people if they needed his services. Who has that kind of confidence?

  Everyone was taken with him. Their dramatic ensemble had hung around with each other for so long, a new personality was like a breath of fresh air. Lexie always played the dowdy girl, Susie was the older mother/crone, and their nemesis, Donalda, the raving lunatic. It wasn’t much of a stretch for any of them.

  The same two men acted every male role in all their plays and didn’t inspire much passion in the bosoms of the paying public. And the fact they were both called Todd made rehearsals a nightmare. But they put up with it—there weren’t many coal miners, steelworkers and fishermen clamouring to be part of the theatre group.

  Now in walked the hero-who-saved-the-day type and everyone felt renewed. How lucky was that?

  Adrian attracted attention without doing anything. Every one of them stared at him out of the corner of their eye. His magnetism was undeniable. He was born for the theatre, but as animated as he was, Lexie saw something else, something she couldn’t put her finger on.

  Susan finally thawed and flitted around Adrian al
l afternoon. But not to be outdone was the dratted Donalda. She was another old maid, but even more pathetic than Lexie or Sue. She reminded Lexie of a small mouse with her furtive, scampering ways. Her buck teeth and sniffy nose didn’t help. She’d pop up behind Lexie and scare the life out of her. For someone who was only five feet tall, that was quite an accomplishment.

  Susan and Donalda asked Adrian about Broadway. It turned out it was so off Broadway, there were only five people in the audience. But they were impressed anyway and so was everyone else. None of them had ever been to New York so everyone had a million questions. Adrian indulged his captive audience with plenty of juicy stories and although Lexie wanted to hear every word, she really had to use the washroom, a direct result of too much coffee. The minute she dashed out to the foyer and into the loo, Susan and Donalda zoomed in behind her.

  Susan could hardly contain herself. “I can’t believe you went for coffee with him! How did you get so brave?”

  Donalda sniffed. “What’s brave about that? I think it’s brave he went with her.”

  “Oh shut up, Donalda.” Susie continued, “So? Lex? Who is this yummy creature?”

  Lexie answered from her stall. “He says he’s from Johannesburg. Can you believe it?”

  “How in the name of God did he find himself in Glace Bay of all places? Who in their right mind would want to come here?”

  Lexie flushed, opened the door and went to the sink to wash her hands. “Look, Sue, I don’t know another thing about him. I could hardly interrogate him.”

  “Well, I don’t see why not. How often does a creature like him sashay into town? If you don’t want him, I’d sure like a crack at him.” She fluffed her thin, stringy hair in the mirror.

  Lexie frowned. “Get real. As if he’d look at either one of us.” She glanced in the mirror to confirm her suspicions. All she saw was a mop of long, dark curly hair, while her plump body was hidden under a flowing ankle-length skirt and peasant blouse. Wrap a scarf around her head and she’d look like a fortune teller.

  Susan stopped fluffing and her shoulders slumped. “You’re right. Drat and darn.”

  Donalda rubbed her hands together. “Truer words were never spoken. The boy is mine.”