Amazing Grace Read online

  “Jesus…you wanna come here already? I don’t have any room.”

  “I won’t stay with you. I’d just like to meet everyone.”

  “We’re not that special, but seeing as how you’re so anxious to know us, how about taking us to New York for a basketball game?”

  “Oh…I…”

  “You see! I knew it! Don’t go running your mouth off about how privileged you are if you have no intention of sharing it with us, Auntie Grace.”

  “Wait a minute! Don’t take that tone with me. You know nothing about what I intend to do, but I know one way of not getting a trip to New York and that’s to demand it. And just so you know, I can be just as badass as you. I have no intention of being steamrolled, no matter how much I want you in my life. Do I make myself clear?”

  “Geez…calm down. I only wanted to see if you were serious.”

  “All right. So do you want to meet me or not, Trixie?”

  “After that? Not really.”

  “You’re a rig, do you know that?”

  “And you’re a tool. We’re even.”

  I burst out laughing. I like her.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

  It’s like I’m in a dream.

  I’m standing in front of Trixie’s apartment door. My niece is only a few feet away. I can hardly breathe!

  Knock, knock.

  A black kid answers the door and I immediately deflate. “Bloody hell. I thought this was the right address. Sorry.” I look at my piece of paper again. “But it says 120 and this is apartment 120, isn’t it?”

  “Yeah. You’ve got the right place. You must be Aunt Grace.”

  “Yes! And you are…?”

  “Nate.”

  I reach out and pump his hand. “Nate, how the heck are ya? “

  “Great.”

  The rest of the family pours in. Trixie looks exactly like me, only bigger-boned. It’s freaking me out a little. The older boy, who must be Jeremy, is a handsome dude, with a tiny Chinese girlfriend and the sweetest little baby I’ve ever seen, resting on her hip.

  “How is it possible that you have the world’s nicest-looking family?” I shout.

  “It’s a terrible burden. Hello, Aunt Grace.”

  We hug each other and then with her arm around my shoulder she introduces her family. “This is Jeremy, and his girlfriend, Jiao, and their baby, Sunni; the one with the dimples is Nate. Say hello, everybody.”

  They all come forward at the same time with cries of disbelief.

  “No way! You’re like an old mom!” says Nate.

  “You’re charming,” I say.

  “Great to meet you.” Jeremy shakes my hand and doesn’t take his eyes off me. “I can’t believe we have a relative we never knew about.”

  “A relative with centre court seats!” Nate adds.

  I hold out my hand. “About that. Apparently I was mistaken. Jonathan doesn’t have season’s tickets, but he said if you visit he’d set something up.”

  It’s impossible not to be happy, looking at their excitement.

  “Is there any chance I could hold that baby? She’s precious! How old is she?”

  “Thirteen months.” Jiao hands her to me. “She’s usually good with strangers.”

  I reach over and take her in my arms. She’s so tiny and light. “What a sweetheart you are!”

  She stares at me with her finger in her mouth, not quite sure about things. I see her look at her grandmother and then me again. “Even she can see the resemblance! How about that?”

  Trixie puts her hands up. “Okay, knock it off, everyone. Let the poor woman take her coat off.”

  Jiao takes her baby back and I try and gather my wits. “I couldn’t get some water?”

  “Frig water. Do you want a beer?”

  “Great.”

  We settle ourselves in the kitchen of this modest apartment. There’s not a lot of space, but this seems to be where they hang out. There’s sports equipment around and a lot of baby toys. It’s lived in, as it should be.

  Gradually I find out that Jeremy works as a bus driver, and Nate is currently “finding himself” at Community College. It’s hard to believe that Jiao has her master’s in nursing, when she looks about fourteen. They want to know all about us, so I fill them in. Nate tells me he loves cars, and gets excited when he hears about my 1955 Pontiac. I promise him someday he’ll see it.

  Eventually they leave Trixie and me alone with our beer. We make short work of the bowl of chips, and soon she opens another bag and dumps it in.

  “This is the extent of my canapes,” Trixie laughs. “Never did get the hang of cooking. Not much time for extracurricular activities.”

  “How lucky you are, with two amazing sons and that beautiful grandchild.”

  “Sunni is pretty cute, like her mother. They have the same temper, too. You should see the way Jiao bosses Jeremy about. She’s this tiny little thing but she rules the roost. I can’t wait until they can get a place of their own.”

  “Do you have a husband?”

  “Not anymore. He decided to break up a fight at a corner store and got himself stabbed in the process. Nate was two at the time. I’ve never forgiven him for dying like that.”

  “Oh, Trixie, that’s awful.”

  “What’s awful is that I was left on my own. His family never liked me, so they weren’t much help. I have this awful habit of surrounding myself with people who let me down.”

  “It must have been so difficult raising sons on your own. How did you keep them out of trouble? It certainly seems like you’ve done a great job.”

  “They were always in trouble, but I used to embarrass them in front of their friends by dragging them out of parties or trailing them in my car. I told them point blank that I would kill them if they ever got themselves killed like their daddy. It’s running after them that turned my hair white.”

  “I admire you.”

  “Don’t. I’m not a great mom. I yell and scream too much. It’s a habit left over from trying to scare the shit out of them so that they’d listen me. Me and my wooden spoon.”

  “Sorry…the admiration is still there.”

  “Suit yourself.”

  “How do you make your living?”

  “I’m a seamstress.”

  “That is insane! I like to sew too! But I’d never be able to make a career out of it. Do you have your own shop?”

  “Hardly. That would require money. I work from here. I have a steady stream of regulars, thank god.”

  “I make dog sweaters. That’s the extent of my talent.”

  “Mom used to sew some.”

  “Did she? Oh gosh, that makes me so happy. We all have a connection somehow.”

  “She used to save buttons. I loved that jar. I took it with me when I left. She probably missed that more than me.”

  “I doubt that very much. Would I be able to see it?”

  “They’re only buttons.”

  “Please.”

  She gets up and leaves me at the table. My heart is so full already and I’ve only been here a couple of hours. She brings it back and hands it to me. It’s an ornate jar and every button in it is different and special, not your ordinary variety. Some of them look like costume jewellery.

  My eyes well up with tears.

  “Ah, hell,” Trixie says. “Don’t go bawling.”

  “I’m sorry,” I sniff. “It’s just that they belonged to her. I missed her so much when I was growing up. I thought she left me behind and forgot about me, but she didn’t.”

  Trixie makes a face. “She didn’t think of you that much, if she didn’t tell me about you. She never talked about anything from before I was born.”

  I put down the jar with a bang. “Then you know nothing about what we went through as children. We were trapp
ed in a cult and we were sexually abused. You name it, it happened to us, so don’t you dare say mean things about her. Your relationship is your own business, but when I think of my sister, I think of the little girl with long blonde hair that used to wipe away my blood with her hands, who always made sure I got extra dessert, and kept me company at night when our mom was getting beaten up and raped by the same twisted man who was raping us.”

  She doesn’t answer back this time. So ends day one of our family reunion.

  Over the rest of the weekend, I end up telling Trixie everything I can remember about her mom, and she tells me of a father who disappeared when she was a baby and a mother who was emotionally unavailable, as if she was afraid to love her daughter in case something happened. The drinking got worse as Trixie got older and sometimes she was taken away from Maria by social services. It was a bad situation all around. If only Maria had reached out for help. I’m sure her guilt about leaving me behind was one of the reasons for her inability to cope. I tell Trixie that. It was a pain so deep, she couldn’t tell her daughter about me, because then Trixie would ask, “Why didn’t you go back and get her?”

  By Sunday, we are emotionally drained. The boys have been in and out the whole time, with Jiao taking Sunni out for most of the days to give us some space.

  I’ll say goodbye to them tonight, seeing as they have to work tomorrow morning. There’s a part of me that would love to call Fletcher up and tell him to come and get me, for I am weary beyond belief. But the drive home alone will afford me the time I need to rehash everything that my niece and I shared with each other.

  What I do know is that I love Trixie with all my heart. She’s a good, good person who’s had some unlucky breaks that she didn’t let defeat her. I know she still has a lot of anger towards her mother, but I believe I’ve given her an opportunity to look at her mom in a more sympathetic light.

  I insist on taking them out for dinner. “My treat! Whatever your heart desires!”

  “Even appetizers and desserts?” Nate wants to know.

  “All of it…the more the merrier!’

  We have a jolly old time with Sunni in a high chair banging

  her sippy cup with delight. I take a million pictures with my phone.

  While we sip our coffee and eat our cake and ice cream, I tell them my plans for the summer. “Just let me know what weeks are good for you guys, and I’ll have the farmhouse ready for you. My granddaughter, Melissa, and her friend Juni will be down at some point too, so we’ll have to coordinate who’s staying where and when, but I can’t wait to see Sunni at the shore. I’ll buy her beach toys and we’ll keep them at the farmhouse for whenever she visits.”

  “That sounds really nice,” Trixie sighs. “I can’t remember the last time we had a vacation.”

  “That’s because we’ve never had one,” Nate says.

  “You’re right. We’ve never had one.”

  “You have a standing invitation for the rest of your lives.”

  It’s ridiculous how hard it is to say goodbye to them. We part in the parking lot; I’ll go back to the motel and they’ll head home.

  I hug them all and save my biggest for Trixie. “Goodbye, honey. Take care of yourself and call me whenever you want to. If you ever need anything, I’m always here, okay?”

  “Okay, Mom.”

  When my lip quivers, she hits me. “Don’t get all sappy! Jesus, you’re a pain.”

  “Fine! Take off, will ya?”

  I march to my car and they toot the horn as they drive by.

  When I pull into the yard around suppertime the next day, Fletcher and Nan are at our kitchen table with a big bowl of spaghetti and meatballs waiting for me. God, I love being home.

  Naturally I tell them about my trip and I whip out my phone to show them the pictures. I can’t wait to hear what Nan says.

  She stares down at the picture. “What am I looking at?”

  “We’re at the restaurant. Look, they’re all waving.”

  “You got the wrong family. These people are black.”

  “I know! Isn’t that fabulous? And look at Jiao and baby Sunni, they should be in commercials!”

  “How did they end up black?”

  “How do you think, Nan? Trixie married a black man. These are his sons. What I wouldn’t give to be such a gorgeous mocha colour. You know some day, the whole world will be like this.”

  “Where’s the mother?”

  I take the phone back and wipe my finger across the screen. “Here.”

  “Merciful heavens! She could be you!”

  “Let’s see.” Fletcher reaches for the phone. “Wow! That is incredible.”

  “I know! It’s beyond my wildest dream to know that I’m related to this fabulous family. I can’t wait for everyone to meet each other.”

  Fletcher and Nan say they’ll do the dishes because I look beat. I take a bath, crawl into bed, and am joined by my best buddy, Beulah, who tries to get as close to my face as possible. I’m drowning in fluffy fur when sleep overtakes me.

  Nate and I become Internet buddies; he has time off between classes, unlike his brother. Then he becomes friends with Melissa and Juni, and suddenly Jonathan knows what’s going on in Fredericton before I do. Every Sunday becomes Skype day and we get to see Sunni bouncing on one screen and Ryder on another.

  I hold up the pets so everyone can see them and when I show them Beulah, Trixie falls over laughing. When I tell her how much she cost, the hilarity ends.

  “Jesus Christ Almighty! Do you know what I could do with eight thousand dollars?”

  Jonathan butts in. “Gee, Mom, I can’t imagine why you think you and Trixie are related.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?” Trixie wants to know.

  “He means you swear like me.”

  “When I hear something that’s batshit crazy, yes, I do.”

  It absolutely blows my mind that with these computers, you can connect with your family on a daily basis, if need be. People who haven’t even met are joking around like they’ve known each other all their lives. It might be my imagination, but I think there’s a little harmless flirting going on between Nate and Juni. I’ll keep my mouth shut. I wonder if poor Eugene Yokohama knows.

  Three weeks before Christmas, Jonathan and Whitney tell us they’re getting married and that she’s expecting a baby in the new year. We hoot and holler our good wishes.

  “It’s just a small affair,” Jonathan says, “but we’d like you all to come.”

  “Thank you,” Trixie says, “but I can’t afford—”

  “It’s on me, cousin.”

  “It’s too much—”

  “Shut your gob,” I yell at her. “Just enjoy the party!”

  And so commences the best time we’ve ever had. A private jet flies into the Port Hawkesbury Airport to pick Fletcher and Nan and I up, then it wings over to Fredericton and picks up Trixie’s crowd, who are so beside themselves they can’t stop laughing. It’s the first time I’ve seen a genuine smile on Trixie’s face.

  She settles into a seat beside me. “I can’t believe this is happening.”

  I pat her knee. “Obviously Fletcher and I don’t take advantage of Jonathan’s wealth all the time, but it sure comes in handy for a special treat now and then. And you and the boys deserve it.”

  “This is the nicest thing anyone’s ever done for me, and I haven’t even met Jonathan, not properly.”

  “You’ll love him, but he can be a bit of a prig about swearing.”

  “I’ll be on my best behaviour.”

  “Fuck that! Forget everything and relax.”

  A couple of town cars are at the airport to pick us up and drop us off at our luxury hotel, the Strand on West 37th Street. We have three suites that join together and I get such a kick out of the reactions of not only the Bailey crowd, but Fletcher and
Nan too. Nobody can believe that this is how some people live.

  My New York family meets my Maritime family in the lobby. Even Deanne, Andre, and baby Ryder are here, along with Jonathan, Whitney, Melissa, Juni, and my old pal Linn. There are sixteen of us in all. The entire chaotic scene gives me chills. After so many years of feeling alone in the world, this eclectic mix of people seems like a dream. They all belong to me in one way or another.

  Jonathan takes us to a swanky restaurant, the type that has dribbles of food on the plate instead of a homemade meal. It costs him a fortune, so I don’t tell him that we’re all going back to the hotel to order pizza afterward.

  Whitney looks wonderful. A little weight suits her, and it’s obvious she and Jonathan are madly in love. I can’t believe the difference in Jonathan. He’s become his own man and laughs easily and often. And now that they’ve both moved on, there is no discomfort between him and Deanne. She is excited about Whitney’s baby and can’t wait for play dates with Ryder.

  Jonathan takes me aside at one point after dinner and looks around to make sure no one is listening.

  “Whitney wants to keep it a secret for now, but I want you to know that we’re having a little boy and we plan on naming him Aaron James, after both our dads.”

  Aaron’s face swims in front of mine, the laughing boy who made my life bearable in Halifax so long ago. His funny, silly demeanour and protective presence. The tender love he gave my son.

  I hug my boy close. “Thank you. Thank you.”

  He kisses the top of my head.

  And true to his word, Jonathan gets Trixie, Jiao, and the boys courtside seats to a Knicks game and even takes them back to the locker room to meet the players. He also insists on buying them Knicks jerseys. By the time they get back to the hotel, where Fletch, Nan, and I are babysitting Sunni, Jeremy and Nate are completely blissed out. They talk over each other describing their night.

  Trixie’s eyes sparkle as she hugs me good night. “Your son and my now favourite cousin, Jonathan, have made my boys happier than I’ve ever seen them. We will never forget this. Never.”

  “It’s just as much a thrill for us as it is for you. Jonathan never had a sibling and I know he missed that. To suddenly have a first cousin is amazing for him. He told me so.”