Relative Happiness Read online

  Lexie shopped till she dropped. She went into one store where a stylish older woman manned the fort. She swallowed her pride, and asked if she could please tell her how to dress when you’re on the plus size side. The woman’s eyes lit up.

  “Come right this way.”

  Lexie followed her to the back of the store.

  She turned around and held out her hand. “I’m Grace, by the way.”

  Lexie reached over and shook it. “I sure hope you can help me, Grace. I’m a bit of a greenhorn when it comes to fashion.”

  “Well, I enjoy breaking in novices. And you’ll see. By the time you walk out of here, you’ll be slave to fashion.”

  Lexie set up camp in the dressing room. Grace said the first thing they had to tackle were “foundation garments.”

  “The fastest way to look like you’ve lost ten pounds is to buy a very good bra. Don’t be afraid of the price. They’re worth it.” She passed her one.

  She gaped at the price tag. “Sixty dollars! Are you crazy?”

  Grace put her finger on her nose and tapped it. She mouthed, “Trust me.”

  Lexie bought three. They lifted and separated exactly as promised. Why wasn’t this headline news for women everywhere? Stupid rich women kept it to themselves, that’s why.

  Lexie loved her new jeans. She loved everything. She was so grateful to this woman and told her she’d never forget her.

  “That’s sweet of you dear, but I really must go on my break.” She reached down and rubbed her calf. “I think my ankles are swollen.”

  Lexie left the store uplifted, lifted and separated.

  Two days later it was off to the make-up counter at a ritzy department store. She never wore make-up. She wasn’t sure this stop was for her, but Kate had convinced her.

  “Lexie, this is the nineties. They have make-up that makes you look like you’re not wearing any.”

  “Then why would I want it?”

  “For the same reason we bought you those silky under things. You know you’re wearing it even if everyone else doesn’t. And it’s pretty.”

  So Lexie threw herself at the mercy of the drop-dead-gorgeous young thing behind the counter who commented on Lexie’s skin several times. Lexie started to believe maybe her skin was nice.

  The clerk sent her home with the whole kit and caboodle. She’d never use it all in a lifetime but it was nice to have.

  When she finally had everything, Lexie drove back to Kate’s and let herself in. The place was quiet. The girls weren’t due home until later that evening, so she went to her bedroom and shut the door. Lexie spread her new things out on the bed and looked at them. She had even bought a few pieces of jewellery. And a large carryall to take everything home in.

  She got into the shower, washed her hair and shook it dry. She put on her new jeans and a crisp white cotton shirt. She did her make-up, sprayed herself with perfume, put on her new amber ring and chunky bracelet, and finally slid her feet into soft leather sandals. She went into her sister’s bedroom and looked in the full-length mirror.

  Lexie blinked.

  She reached out and touched her face in the mirror. “Is that you?”

  Chapter Seven

  To say she caused a sensation was an understatement. She walked into her parents’ house to collect Sophie. Beth and Rory’s van was outside which meant they were over for Sunday dinner.

  “Howdy, I’m home!”

  “Hi honey, we’re in here,” her father shouted. Lexie heard squeals of delight from the girls. They stampeded out to greet her. She heard Rory said, “Girls, girls, let Auntie get in the door.”

  That didn’t stop them. They barrelled around the corner whooping for joy, then bumped into each other as Michaela, who saw Lexie first, stopped dead in her tracks. They stood with their mouths open. Halley looked frightened.

  “It’s ok, honey, it’s me.”

  Halley looked unsure. They still didn’t move.

  The silence was deafening.

  “What’s going on?” Beth shouted. She came in and as soon as she saw Lexie, her hand flew in front of her mouth.

  “Oh my god, I don’t believe it. Guys, come here quick!” She hopped up and down.

  Lexie heard chairs being pushed back from the table in a hurry. Everyone rushed into the doorway.

  “Lexie!” her mother cried. Then she hopped up and down.

  As if on cue, her nieces jumped all over her.

  Lexie was jazzed by her homecoming. She was inspired with energy. She still had some time before she went back to work so she got busy. She went through the house like a whirling dervish. If it wasn’t nailed down, she threw it in a garbage bag, a box for goodwill, or a new storage container.

  She threw out the dried flower arrangements and herbs that had hung from the ceiling for years. She washed the walls and considered re-painting them, but decided to leave them. But she knew she would do something she should’ve done years ago. She ripped up the old carpets, revealing beautiful hardwood underneath. It would require an enormous effort to sand them, so she enlisted the help of her fellow actors, promising them a free supply of beer and pizza.

  But it bugged her that every time she looked up someone was staring at her.

  “What?” she yelled at Susan.

  “I can’t believe what a difference a hair cut makes.”

  “I must have looked like the bride of Frankenstein my whole life.”

  Donalda said, “You did.”

  “Thank you Donalda. I love you too.”

  “Calm down. Even I think there’s been an improvement.”

  “Gee whiz, it’s not like I had a facelift. I still can’t get this damn weight off. I haven’t changed that much.”

  Susan mulled it over. “I’m not sure what it is. You’re brighter I guess. I can see your face.”

  “You sound like my mother. She walks around like a big know-it-all. ‘I told you so. You should have done it years ago, blah blah.’”

  Susan laughed. “Oh, shut up and get over yourself. You’re not Julia Roberts or anything.”

  “You’re not even her understudy,” Donalda chimed in.

  Lexie threw a rag at them.

  When the work was done Lexie stood back and looked. Her little house was a thing of beauty. It was still full of old and tattered furniture, and it looked too clean for her liking, but that would be easily remedied. It was the floors she couldn’t get over, how her rugs looked on them, and the walls on which she hung her paintings, instead of stacking them in a corner. She still had pillows around—there were Sophie’s feelings to consider—but she marvelled at the transformation.

  These things were here all along. They’d been hidden under endless junk.

  Wow, Lexie, who knew?

  She really looked forward to returning to work, and made sure she looked pretty good when she went out the door her first morning back. It was childish, but she wanted to rub Marlene’s nose in it.

  She sashayed in at ten to nine. She got the reaction she hoped for. Judy beamed at her all morning. Marlene was due at noon. When she walked in, she said, “You look nice,” and continued with her work.

  That was it. Lexie was so mad. Marlene had done it again. She managed to make her feel like two cents. She had to get over the horrible habit of always wondering what other people thought of her. If the truth were told, she probably never crossed their minds when she wasn’t in their line of vision. The only person she lived with was herself. She was the person she had to please, not the Marlenes of the world. She needed to grow up.

  By fall Lexie was back in her normal routine. She dated a couple of guys that were all right, but nothing special. She even took one of them home after too much beer one night. It felt like a chore. She said goodbye in the morning, and never answered the phone when he called.

  They worked on a new play. Lexie said she’d make the costumes. A crowd of them would go out after rehearsal. It was jolly but she went home alone.

  Her days and nights were full
. But she waited. Something was there and it would come. She felt it in the wind. She didn’t know what and she didn’t know when, but it haunted her.

  When Adrian left her, Gabby stayed in bed for a week. She was devastated. She didn’t understand what happened. He said he loved her but he had to go. He wasn’t good enough for her.

  She was desperate. “What do you mean? I don’t understand. If you loved me you wouldn’t leave me.”

  Adrian couldn’t look at her. “I’m not who you think I am.”

  She had nothing to lose. “You love Lexie, don’t you?”

  He didn’t say anything.

  “That’s it, isn’t it? Neither one of you told me. You should have told me. I never would have hurt Lexie like that if I’d known. What kind of woman do you think I am?”

  “The kind of woman who deserves a man who doesn’t leave everyone he loves behind, who is so selfish, he thinks only of his own pleasure. I do love you Gabby, but I can’t be here. It’s not right. We’ve hurt too many people. I have to stop hurting people.”

  Adrian put his face in his hands and cried then.

  When she woke in the morning, he was gone.

  Then one day she got out of bed, took a shower and walked into her boss’s office and asked for a posting overseas. She needed to be as far away as possible from her big sister.

  One Monday morning Beth asked Lexie to come over for lunch. Lexie baked cookies for the kids and brought over the doll clothes she’d made for their Barbies.

  The girls greeted her with their usual enthusiasm. It gave Lexie a lift when she hugged their sweet bodies against her. They scurried up the stairs to play with the new clothes. Most of the dolls had their hair hacked off and felt marker scribbled over them, so Lexie didn’t hold out much hope their looks would be improved by a new outfit.

  Beth unwrapped the tuna sandwiches she’d made earlier. They talked for awhile about nothing. Then Lexie got the feeling Beth hadn’t invited her over for just this. She reached for another cookie. “Are you all right? You look a little pale.”

  The dam broke. Beth wept.

  She grabbed her hand and shook it to get Beth to look at her. “Honey, what is it?”

  “I’m pregnant!”

  “Well, that’s wonderful.”

  Beth wiped her eyes. “Lexie, you are so stupid. Do you think I’m happy about it? Do you think I need another little girl running around? I can hardly cope with the ones I’ve got.”

  “Maybe it won’t be a girl.”

  “Oh, give it up. Of course it’s a girl.”

  “Well, there’s not much you can do about it now.”

  “No.”

  Lexie looked at her. “Is there?”

  “Of course not. Don’t be crazy. I’d never do that. I just don’t know if I can go through it again. I have so little energy as it is.”

  “Yes, there is that,” Lexie admitted. “Is Rory happy?”

  “Of course he is. He gets the prize. I get to do the work.”

  “Beth, I hate to be mean, but if you didn’t want any more, there are ways to prevent it.”

  She gave Lexie a look. “Gosh, Lex. Really? I had no idea. Please, fill me in.”

  “Well, it’s true.”

  Beth folded her arms on the table and put her head down. She was miserable. “He looks at me and I’m pregnant.”

  Lexie didn’t say anything. There wasn’t much to say.

  Her sister sat up and sighed. “I love him so much.”

  “He loves you too, you fortunate girl.”

  None of them thought Beth would get married and have a brood of infants. She was too busy being mean to all the boys in town. Tiny and blonde with cornflower blue eyes, she was almost as gorgeous as Gabby, and never lacked for male company. If she liked someone, she let him chase her all over town. The minute he caught her, she dumped him like yesterday’s news.

  Lexie knew Rory would lasso her. Beth saw him on the soccer field in her final year at school, and that was it. Rory was your typical jock type, tall, dark and handsome, the sort that never looked at Lexie. His family moved into town and all the girls were in a tizzy. Beth was a cheerleader, of course. She went through her whole bag of tricks to capture his attention. He completely ignored her. That got up her nose.

  The more he snubbed her, the more she wanted him. He knew exactly how to play her. Lexie realized it the day she heard Beth casually mention she didn’t have a date for the prom. Rory winked at Lexie and never said a word. Beth tried everything. She turned herself inside out. He pretended not to notice. When Beth overheard him say he might take her mortal enemy Jane Townsend to the prom, it was a hellish evening in the Ivy household.

  Even Lexie started to feel sorry for her. She decided to tag along with Beth to Rory’s soccer game, with the intention of taking him aside and saying enough was enough. But she didn’t have to. Before the game started, he jogged over to the bleachers, smiled at Beth and with everyone listening said, “So will you come with me?”

  She crossed her arms and turned away. “I wouldn’t go anywhere with you.”

  He grinned at Lexie. “Well, that’s too bad Beth, since I’m the one taking you everywhere from now on.”

  Beth jumped up and into his arms.

  The coach hollered at them and told Rory to stop necking and get his ass on the field.

  Susie came over one weekend with four videos. She and Lexie had their own chick flick festival. They watched Jane Eyre, An Affair to Remember, Roman Holiday and Romeo and Juliet.

  They sighed at each other when the final credits of the last movie rolled.

  Susan said, “We’re pathetic.”

  “That I know.”

  Susie put her chin in her hand and leaned against the arm of the sofa. “We sit here and watch other people have love affairs. When’s it our turn?”

  Lexie licked butter off the bottom of the popcorn bowl. “Someone will find you, Susie. You’re too nice to be alone for the rest of your life.”

  “How the heck are they going to find me in that stupid dungeon I work in? Even the mailman can’t find our office in that old building. And believe me, young single guys don’t usually come waltzing in to have their wills done. If someone doesn’t find me soon, I’ll be too old to have kids.”

  “You’re not that old.”

  Susie frowned. “I hate to tell ya, kid, but we’re friggin’ old.”

  Lexie put the bowl down and sucked each fingertip clean. “You’re a barrel of laughs tonight, aren’t you?”

  Susie pointed the remote to rewind the tape. “There’s nothing else to do.”

  “Wait. Let’s be rebels and not rewind.”

  “We can’t do that. Lester will have to if we don’t.”

  “You know something. We’ll never have exciting lives if we can’t even leave a video tape unwound.”

  “God. You’re right.” Susan stopped.

  They looked at the blank television. Neither one of them said anything. Finally Lexie couldn’t stand it. She grabbed the remote. “Jesus. Give it to me.”

  She pressed rewind.

  One afternoon Lexie was in the back garden, pulling out the weeds and brambles that choked her flowers. She wanted to establish a little order to the overgrown mess, and come spring, plant a few bushes and shrubs. She loved a wild garden, but it didn’t have to look like a jungle.

  It was a beautiful day. Warm for October and sunny enough that she wore her old straw hat. She still had baggy smocks for mucking in the dirt.

  She looked up. Her father stood by the gate.

  “Hi Dad.”

  She hadn’t seen much of her father since she’d come back from Kate’s. She told herself it was because she was busy with the house, but she knew in her heart that wasn’t it. She didn’t know how to act around him, so she stayed away.

  “Hi Princess. It’s amazing. You look like my mother, kneeling there.”

  “Really?” This pleased her.

  He sat down beside her on one of the old w
ooden chairs that looked out over the field. He didn’t say anything. He listened to the water beyond the cliff, forever moving.

  “You were named after her.”

  Lexie threw her head up. “What? I can’t believe it. No one told me that.”

  Now he was surprised. “Oh, I’m sure I did. Or your mother did at some point.” He looked puzzled.

  “No Dad. Believe me, I’d remember. You always said my mother or your grandmother. I can’t believe I never asked what her name was.” This revelation shocked her.

  “I wish she’d been alive to see you come into the world. She’d be so pleased to know she had a namesake.”

  “Her name was Lexie?”

  “Her name was Alexis, but she was happiest when Dad called her Lexie.”

  She sat and looked out over the ocean. Her father started to talk.

  “My father was a hard man. He had to be. He was a coal miner. That’s a job only the strong survive. But it’s a life that wears you down.”

  Dad fingered the brim of his hat. “It took its toll. He liked his drink, and he was difficult to live with when he drank. My mother tried to hide it, but we knew. That’s why Sally never married. And why I never wanted to be like my father. I never wanted to hurt my family.”

  Lexie stayed quiet. He stared ahead as if she wasn’t there. “There was one day I remember. He came home and shouted, ‘Lexie. Lexie. Come dance with me darlin’.’ He grabbed her by the apron strings, picked her up and twirled her in the air. He danced her all around the kitchen. She laughed and laughed.”

  He stopped talking, as if to keep the memory for as long as he could.

  “Was she nice, Dad?”

  He looked down at her on the grass. “She was as wonderful as you are.”

  “Oh, Dad.”

  She leaned against his knee. He stroked her hair.

  William Rory McPherson was born the next spring. No baby was more loved or more welcomed than this little boy. His mother and father adored him. His sisters kissed him over and over. His grandfather William was beside himself, a little boy after four daughters and four granddaughters. They passed him around like a special gift from one pair of loving arms to the next. They were in love with this tiny scrap of humanity who had his mother’s blue eyes and his father’s nose.